I have taken a step back from this “blog life”, about 3 years to be honest. I have recently been encouraged to get back into it and share my life experiences. Whether it be motherhood, fitness, or even just daily life. So here we go!
*Let me preface this with the fact that I know there are worse things than a speech delay, this is simply our personal experience and struggle*
Most of my close family and friends know that my son has a speech delay. This is something that I never anticipated nor was prepared for as a first time mother. Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of hearing that something is wrong with your child. In any mother’s mind, I’m sure we all view our children as tiny perfect human beings. Even something as small as a speech delay was hard for me to hear. All I could think about was that I had failed as a mother, I did something wrong and this is all my fault.
I started teaching Grayson sign language when he was about six months old. The older he got the more signs I introduced to him and the more he learned how to communicate effectively through sign language. This was something I was extremely excited about and I was proud of how well he was doing with this form of communication at such a young age. As he grew and developed, his speech was just not there. He relied solely on his signs to communicate. After hearing from our pediatrician that there was cause for concern, I felt guilty about teaching him sign. It was put into my head that his delay was because I had taught him sign language, this turned out to be completely false accusations. Our pediatrician, speech therapists, and child psychologists we had seen all said that it was the best thing I could have ever done for my son. The overwhelming sense of relief each time I heard those words, was a God send for me. I needed to hear it, I needed to have that ingrained into my head that I did nothing wrong and this speech delay was not my fault.
Soon after these doctors visits, we began what would turn out to be months of speech therapy. So many tears were shed over the last year, from Grayson as he struggled and from me as a newly single mom trying to help my son in any way I could. Tantrums and uncontrollable outbursts were a fairly common occurrence for us. Watching and hearing people judge my child not knowing anything about our struggle behind closed doors was heart wrenching. I can’t tell you how many times we have cried together in public restrooms, in the car, and at home because of the frustration and inability to communicate effectively. I am extremely protective of my son regardless, but knowing he has an issue that people make fun of or look down on him for makes me even more protective. I experienced first hand someone taking a shot at my child and his delay. It was a low blow and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much pure rage in my entire life.
This last month has been the most incredible month for his growth in communication. It seemed as though a switch flipped overnight. Out of nowhere he started coming up to me and asking for things. The most amazing thing however, was when he came up to me and said, “I woff you mommy” for the very first time. Tears welled up in my eyes and I completely fell apart. You never realize how you take such little things for granted, like hearing your child say I love you. To me it’s such a precious of a gift to hear my son say that. It is becoming a norm now to hear him talking and especially hearing him say I love you. However, I have been doing my best not to take it for granted.
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