Month: May 2019

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My Deborah is Getting MARRIED

Previously In The Life Of Erika

I met one of my closest friends about nine years ago. I was a freshman in college and she was my first year mentor living on my floor in the dorms. I remember the first time I met Deborah, she was this peppy tiny little thing, literally shaking with excitement to greet everyone living on her floor. I was 18 full of angst and attitude, typical right? But this girl was determined to be my friend. I did my best to keep her at arm’s length at first because I was very weary about who I let into my life at that point in time. I was on the softball team and convinced myself that I really didn’t need any other friends, our team did pretty much everything together. Deborah was persistent and didn’t give up on me.

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It took some convincing and some literal dragging me out of my dorm room, but eventually she broke me. I could not be happier that she did. It was probably around the time that she challenged our entire floor to stay off of social media for a week. I refused. She was knocking on my door I was yelling to her saying, “I’M NOT DOING IT AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!” She let herself into my room where I was sitting crisscross on my wheely chair with a bag of frosted mini wheats that was literally as big as I was. With a pep in her step, she turned my chair and wheeled me out into the common area. Bag of cereal in tow.

Deborah pulled me out of the hard shell that I had put around myself during that point in my life. That year was one of the most difficult years of my life. I was a walking disaster who didn’t know what she was doing with her life. I put myself in A LOT of bad situations. One of which changed my life forever… during my freshman year I was sexually assaulted and if I wasn’t a disaster before, I was an even bigger disaster after. It messed me up in all of the worst ways and I didn’t know how to deal with the emotions that came with such a traumatic experience. I did everything I could to numb the pain I was feeling. Drinking became that “cure” for me. I cannot tell you how many times Deborah found me and saved me.

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Call it over dramatic or what you will, but Deborah is one of the biggest reasons I am still alive today. I was ready to end it all back then, I was in so much pain I didn’t know how to deal with it. The first time she saved me it was as simple as her seeing me stumble into the hallway, she took my hand and led me to her room. I was out of sorts to the point where I called her “My Deborah” and guess what? It stuck. She scooped me up off the floor countless times consoling me and wiping away my tears. She told me I was worth it and that I was something special. She took this wild child and brought her back.

We became the best of friends. We talked about everything from guys to our life goals. From the day I met her, she has always told me how much she wants to get married. She has been waiting for today for as long as I have known her. When she told me that she wanted me to meet the guy she was dating for the first time she begged me to be nice. Now, if you don’t know me… I am extremely protective of my friends, but ESPECIALLY of my Deborah. I walked up to this guy with my RBF game going strong. He extended his hand and introduced himself, “Hey! I’m Skyler.” I death gripped his hand, “I’m Erika. If you break her heart I will break your face and curb stomp your ass.” He maintained eye contact and our handshake saying, “I won’t Erika.” That spoke volumes to me and I knew that this was meant to be.

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Call me a bitterly divorced woman, but the last place I think I should be is a wedding. BUT… this wedding is something I would move mountains to be a part of. My Deborah I am so happy for you and Skyler. You two truly are meant to be and have such a beautiful relationship. Today is your day and I could not be more excited nor honored to be a part of your special day. Standing next to you as you take this amazing step in your life, literally watching your dream come true, is something that is truly priceless. Thank you for being the incredible human that you are and allowing me to be a part of this day with you guys. I’m not crying… you’re crying… SHUT UP!!

Cheers Skyler and My Deborah! I love you both more than I can express!

 

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The Ocean In My Mind

Previously In The Life Of Erika

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that when it comes to running away or escaping from reality, the beach is the place I always go. Not always a specific beach, I have several favorites along the Oregon Coast. Realistically, it’s anywhere that I can sit and watch the ocean. Listening to the waves break on the shore, feeling the sea breeze in my hair and sand between my toes, and smelling the salt in the air. This is where I find myself, over and over again.

I am an ocean child, I have had a deep love and passion for it since I was a little kid. It’s vastness, mystery, and power always draw me in. It’s something that is so much bigger than me in every way. I find peace here, even now as I am typing this listening to the waves. The ability to clear my head, come to realizations, and even making life changing decisions are done best when I am here. I can’t tell you exaclty why this is my happy place, but it is and always will be. I can sit for hours watching the water in silence. Thinking about my life, the people I love, and my dreams.

There are plenty of people who will hate on the Oregon Coast, because of the crummy weather that is usually here. But that is where I find myself even more drawn in. Ocean storms are incredible, the power of the water during such storms is unreal to me. Don’t get me wrong, today is probably the most gorgeous day this beach has had in a while and I am soaking up every minute of it with my family. The difference in the last 24 hours here has been nothing short of shocking. It went from stormy and rough water to gorgeously sunny and calm water. I have loved both equally. In those last 24 hours I feel like I saw my life in the ocean. Last year was a giant storm where I struggled to keep my head above water, which is what yesterday reminded me of. Today was a fresh start with no sign of the storm in sight. I played, I ran, I even picked up my glove again and threw around with my Dad. Today I was the happiest I’ve been in awhile, I have my family to thank for that.

I found myself standing at the edge of the sand not long ago, staring at the ocean and completely lost in thought. Before I realized it 15 mins had gone by and my sister walked up and stood by my side. “It’s pretty amazing isn’t it?” I asked her, “Yep, sure is! You okay?” She replied while munching on some cheezits, “Yeah kiddo, I’m fine.” I responded while stealing a couple of her crackers. She walked away and I went back to my thoughts. I thought about how I am finally starting over, 100%. My divorce is finalized and that chapter is officially over. I found myself thinking about how I am single for the first time in years. “I am alone” is something that I was terrified of last year, I’ve come to realize that I am never truly alone and I’ll be just fine.