Summer time is when most families are traveling and ours has been no exception. We have been to San Diego, Coeur d’Alene, and Maui this so far this summer. I know, I know that’s a lot of travel in a short amount of time with a baby. Those tips, tricks, and “how does she do it?” will be saved for another blog post! Getting back on topic… As most of you know I have been working on losing baby weight and getting back in shape, which is still going well, and the most important part is not letting myself get derailed while traveling with my little family.
Before I get too far into this topic, I want to give you a little background information. When I first started this journey 4 years ago I has ZERO self control when it came to eating out or attending events where food would be around, food I knew I shouldn’t be indulging in. I pretty much became a hermit, I had a horrible relationship with food. It gave me anxiety, made me depressed, and negative. Looking back, the amount of self control I’ve gained over the years amazes me. I am so proud of how far I have come! I now see food as fuel and do my best to make better choices when I do find myself eating out.
I don’t know about you guys, but when I am traveling I find it hard to take a bunch of prepped food with me. A day or two sure, but 5 days worth of meals is A LOT! Instead I take ziplocks of my protein with me, grilled chicken (if I can), and completely prepped meals if I can. In situations where I find myself at a restaurant I look over the menu carefully and look for things that would be cleaner options. Now lets be real for a moment… When I look at a menu I really want the pasta or a cheeseburger, and it can be hard to go with something else. In those moments I reflect on why I eat the way I do and train the way I train. I have goals. Will that cheeseburger or pasta help me reach my goals? Probably not. Not to say that you should deprive yourself and never ever have food like that, I mean come on! We’re human, well at least I am… I will indulge in something like that when I have a refeed/free meal. Do I regret it? Absolutely NOT!
When eating out I typically order a meal with either chicken breast or sirloin steak, some form of steamed veggie, and a carb (potatoes or rice). Some people feel awkward about making special requests on their orders. In my opinion, you’re paying for it so get exactly what you want! Ask for your chicken without any sort of glaze, ask for steamed veggies not cheesy, ask for plain garlic mashed potatoes and not loaded, it’s okay! You’ll come to find that eating cleaner while eating out can still be satisfying and delicious. My favorite part about making those choices in food is that I am not bloated! The other nice thing is that I don’t feel like I’m going into a food coma after.
Making small choices daily can help you change your life and create a long term healthy lifestyle!
Well I’ve truly been neglecting my blog, apologies to those who follow regularly! Anywho, I feel as though it is time that I open up and share about how I’ve been feeling and dealing with all of the changes I’ve been experiencing since giving birth. Seeing as it has been awhile I feel I should fill y’all in on what’s been happening before getting into the real topic of this post. Grayson is now just about 8 months old, weighs a whopping 20lbs, is a crawling and standing machine, has cut his first tooth, and now says “mama” constantly! Things have been great on the motherhood front, aside from lack of sleep of course.
Getting back on topic, I am now about 8 months postpartum and am the heaviest I have been in years. To add to that I am the most self conscious, uncomfortable, and disgusted with my body than I have been in years. I went from someone who was overweight, to someone who was physically fit and confident, to a pregnant woman, and finally to a new mom who absolutely hates her body. Even while I was pregnant I loved the changes and loved watching my belly grow, but the aftermath of birth was a different story. I was left with fat stores in places I never had excess fat before, cellulite, stretch marks, loose skin, and a complex.
I constantly talk negative about myself, make fat jokes about myself, and refer to myself as “Obese Denise” and “Flabby Abby”(yes, both are Pitch Perfect 2 references). I laugh and make light of my negative self talk, but underneath my mask I really believe and feel that way about myself. I look at pictures of myself and all I see is a massive tub of lard or a whale. I find myself full of self loathing and quite honestly pretty depressed. Depressed?? I have just been blessed with a wonderful child and a new home, how on earth could I be depressed?? It’s actually quite common and isn’t something to be ashamed of. I’m at a point now where I have realized that myself, and I have been doing things to change that. I have started getting serious about losing my baby weight, in fact I have lost 8lbs already! Yay me! I have some wonderful people in my life who constantly tell me how great I look after having a kid, or to remember that I just had a baby and to quit being so hard on myself (but that excuse now seems invalid to me anymore). Their words truly mean a lot to me, but for whatever reason I cannot seem to believe it.
I have what is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, feel free to click on the link to learn more about it. This causes me to see things with my body that others don’t and obsess over them. I also tend to see myself as ugly or undesirable. I will sit and look at myself in the mirror and do nothing but tell myself how disgusting and fat I look. It’s not healthy. I am not opening up about this in order to receive attention, I am opening up about it because it is a common problem that most people don’t talk about. I want others who are going through the same thing to know that they are not alone. I know that I have this problem and I know several things I can do to assure I am working towards being happy with myself.
This last weekend we made a trip up to Coeur d’alene Idaho and spent time at Silverwood, an amazing amusement/water park. It was meant to be a fun weekend, but all I could think about was how I was going to cover my body up and how uncomfortable I knew I was going to feel. I went out and bought a new swim suit that covered my stomach and made sure to pack shorts to cover my self even more. As we were pulling up to the parking lot I knew these feelings were going to make this day miserable for me. I needed to do something. The walk to the park was about 20mins, this gave me even more time to ponder my feelings and emotions. I was still dreading the part of the day where we were going to be in the water… But then it hit me. Grayson is not going to remember my muffin top. He’s not going to remember my cellulite. What he’s going to remember are the wonderful times we’ve had. Yes I know he won’t remember this trip, but you get the picture. 😉
So I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot meal prep in mass quantities. Right now I’m lucky if I get to eat enough times a day regardless of having prepped meals, and then the food spoils before I do get the chance to eat it. So a couple of weeks ago Jordan and I decided to hit up Costco for our latest grocery needs and I hit the mother load of meal prep essentials for the new/busy mom!!! I have switched from my fresh veggies and meats to the just as healthy but much more convenient frozen versions. Did you know that you can literally buy a 10 lb bag of frozen chicken breasts for $20 at Costco?? Overall I was paying more for the unfrozen chicken, and I could never remember to put it in the freezer before it would go bad so it was a total waste of money. Now I’ve got this massive bag in my freezer and I can easily pull out what I need in the morning and it’s thawed by the time I need it! I usually prep one breast at a time and it gives me enough meat for two meals. The greatest thing about it is that it will not go bad on me!!
When it comes to the veggies they also have massive bags of fresh frozen ones. I grabbed a giant bag of broccoli, green beans, and asparagus. The broccoli and green beans were only around $6 a bag, such a great deal!! Of course asparagus was more expensive, it always is no matter what but its amazing and so worth the $10 per bag at Costco. I’ve mainly been using the broccoli because I’ve been craving it all the time, for whatever reason. I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the giant bag, to find several smaller microwavable bags inside of it. Each smaller bag gives me enough veggies for about 3 meals or so and they taste SO fresh! They are never soggy or mushy, they always come out perfectly and it makes it so much easier than chopping up a giant crown of unfrozen broccoli by hand. Switching to frozen foods has cut my meal prep time in half!!
For my carbs I’ve basically stuck to white rice, yeah I know everyone always says use brown rice but I make white rice fit my macros and most of the time I prefer it. I throw it in the rice cooker while I’m either continuing to prep other food or playing with Grayson and it’s a no brainer, I measure it out when it’s done and I’m good to go! A new staple for me and a yummy way to get my fats in are these individually packaged cups of guacamole. I LOVE guac, it was my biggest craving when I was pregnant and it has just stuck with me since I guess! Anyway they are 80 calories per container and I don’t have to do any sort of measuring, I scoop it out into my rice and mix it in for some extra yummy flavor. Take my word for it, it’s BOMB!!
Another new staple in my diet are Kodiak Cakes, pancake/waffle mix that is a great source of protein! It also feels like you’re getting a yummy cheat treat, while fitting your macros perfectly. Many people like to make their own protein pancakes from scratch, which is also great but I am not someone who has the time to do that most mornings. These are a quick and easy way to get a meal in and change things up from my usual eggs and oats. They are also delicious, my husband will tell you first hand because he pretty much eats them every morning too! Costco has them for a limited time, so stock up while you can!!
I hope this post was helpful to some other moms who have been struggling to find some balance between taking care of themselves and their little ones! Happy prepping!!
Throughout my pregnancy I was dead set that I would not gain TOO much weight, I knew realistically that I would have to gain weight in order to have a healthy baby. But honestly, watching the number on the scale go up and up made me feel awful. If there was anything I truly hated about pregnancy it was the weight gain, again I know it is necessary but it still sucks. I wanted and hoped I would only gain 25-35 pounds, but ended up gaining about 45 pounds and it was hard on my self esteem. To be honest I can tell you the exact moment I started having body image issues and self esteem issues. I was a Senior in High School getting ready for a Volleyball game when a girl came up to me in the locker room and said, “Your butt looks extra big in your spandex today.” I was completely caught off guard and for whatever reason it broke my self confidence. Looking back now I don’t think I had anything to be self conscious about, I was not overweight and had an athletic build. I have always had some sort of a booty on me though, some things God just blesses you with.
I’m on the very end on the right
When Jordan and I first started dating I was still in pretty decent shape, I was off of my crutches and cleared from an awful ankle injury from Softball. As most people know when you get into a relationship and fall in love you typically gain weight, I gained more than you should. Being an athlete most of my life I ate ALL the time and straight CARBS. These eating habits continued even when I stopped playing Softball, which is why I put on so much so quickly. I didn’t realize how much weight I had gained until 5 months after I got married, looking back it was quite obvious… To me it was no wonder there were rumors going around that the reason Jordan and I got married was because I was pregnant. I did have a gut going on but it was all fat, no baby for an excuse.
I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until December after we got married. I went to put on a pair of jeans I’ve had since my senior year of high school and I couldn’t even get them past my thighs, I had a complete mental breakdown at that moment. Jordan came into the room to find out what was going on, there he found me sitting on the floor with my jeans half way on sobbing uncontrollably. He asked me what was wrong and I cried, “None of my jeans fit me, I’ve gotten fat!!” He quickly wrapped me up in a hug and tried to console me, he’s always been so good about those kinds of things. I decided right then and there that I needed to take control of my life and do something about the weight I had gained. I had to ask my mom to fund my gym membership because I couldn’t afford one and started setting goals for myself. I was determined to get the weight off and told myself that it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I had to stick with it for at least 21 days. The first day I went to the gym I spent two hours there. You’d assume I had a killer workout, I didn’t, I walked around feeling lost and wound up walking on the treadmill for the last 45 minutes I was there. I came home to a husband who was impressed with the amount of time I was gone, but I confessed how I really spent my time and was disappointed in myself. I found myself discouraged and looking for a quick fix. I tried several different avenues including doing the Advocare 24 day challenge, Beachbody fixes, and other crash diets. Sure I lost weight initially, but I gained it right back and even a little more! Let me make this clear, these “fixes” and “challenges” are a waste of your time and money in the long run. In order to keep weight off you need to learn how to eat in a way that is maintainable and healthy for your body. The reason you gain weight back after doing these diets that require you to be on low calorie diets, is because your body goes into starvation mode and stores what you eat as fat.
I began doing research and following tons of fitness athletes on social media, looking for inspiration and tips to lose my weight. I couldn’t afford my own gym membership much less a personal trainer, I was on my own. I started out being a total cardio bunny, meaning I only did cardio, thinking this was the best way to lose weight. Then eventually discovered that weight training and cardio combined was the money maker. I got a ton of free information through Bodybuilding.com and it helped me get started on my fitness journey. I created my own meal programs based upon my research and the same goes for my workout programs. I began posting on Instagram, which drives people crazy for whatever reason, but for me it helped me stay motivated and in a way held me accountable. Overall after trying several diet fads, strict cardio, and finally weights I lost the weight over a two year period. Now it really shouldn’t have taken me as long as it did, but I did all of the wrong things first. Once I figured out the formula for success, I decided I wanted to become a personal trainer. I wanted to help people reach their goals and do it the right way. I have hit every road block and speed bump there is when it comes to weight loss and fitness journeys, I can help others overcome them and succeed. At the local gym I was a member at I made a connection with the fitness director Jeanne, she is seriously amazing! She was the first person who gave me a shot and believed in me, she helped me get my first certification and ended up hiring me to work under her in the new club they were opening. Without her I would not be where I am now, and I am so thankful to her. She also helped me prep for my first bikini competition, which was a blast! She was someone who believed in me from day one, and I will be forever grateful to her.
Same dress (in case you couldn’t tell)
Competing in a bodybuilding competition was my long term goal when first starting to lose weight. I achieved that goal two years later, and have been hooked ever since. You should NEVER go into a competition with any expectations, you never know what the judges are going to want that day. It is a very subjective sport. So for me my goal when it came to competing, was to just walk onto that stage and just feel confident in myself. I didn’t care about placing or taking home any hardware, I just wanted to be able to tell myself that I did it! Walking onto that stage my heart was pounding and my adrenalin was pumping like crazy!! From that moment on I knew this would be my new sport and I was hooked! Could I have looked better? Sure, but it was more about getting my feet wet and figuring out if this was something I would want to do again. I had never felt more confident in myself or my body, it was a fantastic experience for me!
Left: My wedding day 7/20/12 Right: Show day 06/7/14
The following spring season I decided to switch to Figure and was in prep when I found out I was pregnant. I’m not going to lie, I sobbed… I was so dedicated and motivated this prep, I was determined to take top five. Looking back now I feel like my feelings were selfish, but it is what it is. I wouldn’t trade my amazing little boy for anything in the world! But the toll the weight gain took on me mentally was more than I expected. I hate taking my clothes off and I make sure to wear baggy tops with my leggings, I’m still not back into my pre-pregnancy jeans and that kills me. I know it has only been 2 1/2 months, but I am unbelievably hard on myself. Friends and family that hear me speak negatively about my current body always remind me that I just had a baby, but that doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to me some days. The other night Jordan and I had this conversation, I told him I am not comfortable in my own skin and I feel gross. I honestly didn’t want him to touch me or see me with my shirt off, I had this irrational fear that he would be grossed out by my loose skin, stretch marks, and extra fat that displaced so nicely (NOT). He took my had and said, “You are beautiful. Even if you wanted to keep your body the way it is right now I would still love you and find you sexy. I think you are just as beautiful as the day you stepped on stage. Honestly I am thankful for the body you have now, if it weren’t for the stretch marks, loose skin, and extra pounds I wouldn’t have Grayson and that’s the best gift you have ever given me.” I seriously just sat there and cried, I felt so stupid for my irrational fears and so loved by my amazing husband. He helps me keep a positive body image and has been so supportive of my new fitness journey, I couldn’t do it without him!
To start off this new year, now that I am recovered from delivery and my emergency surgery, I am ready to jump back into my fitness routines!! I have been meal prepping for both myself and my mama bear, which has been awesome! Since moving I haven’t found anyone who understands or has similar goals health and fitness wise, so it has been really hard to keep myself motivated. Back in Idaho and working in a gym I was surrounded by people who had the same goals as I did, it made it SO easy to stay on track and focused on my fitness goals. That’s definitely one of the things I really miss about being there, having people who “get me” and understand my goals. Not to say that I have really put myself out there since we moved, I haven’t… Not even remotely. So to help myself stay motivated I have signed up for a couple of fitness related challenges and I am so excited to get going again! For me to stay motivated I need to have some sort of goal in mind, or I will inevitably fall off the wagon. Yes I’m a personal trainer, but I’m still human!
While I know my overall chances of winning a big challenge are slim, the fact that it provides me a goal makes it totally worth it! The difference between a dream and a goal is a deadline! I love that quote and it’s very applicable to my life right now. Anyway, the first challenge I signed up for is the Bodybuilding.com 250k Transformation Challenge. It runs from January 11th to April 3rd, so it’s a 12 week challenge and at the end they will choose one male and one female overall winner. There’s also the possibility of winning “People’s Choice” prizes, 5 $10,000 prizes. I signed up for this same challenge last year, shortly after I found out I was pregnant. Trying to lose weight/get shredded while pregnant aren’t usually recommended, so obviously I didn’t complete that challenge. This year I am ready to give it my all!! If you’re in need of a goal/deadline here’s the link to sign up, you must do so before Jan 10th 250K Transformation Challenge
The second challenge I signed up for is a little more personal for me. I signed up for the Jessie’s Girls 3k Challenge, which also begins January 11th. The prizes for this one are more exciting to me, $1,000 cash, a surprise visit from Jessie, and becoming a Jessie’s Girls Ambassador.
The reason this challenge is more personal for me is because I have met Jessie on two separate occasions. The second time she remembered who I was, which made me feel incredible. She meets tons of people all the time, so the fact that she remembered me made me feel special. The first time I met her I was taking the Axiom in House Certification at the Park Center location. We were on a break and she was there for a photo shoot for Bodybuilding.com. Naturally I stalked her for a little while, don’t act like you don’t do that to people you consider “celebrities”. Anyway, I noticed she had a spare moment so I approached her. She was unbelievably friendly and down to earth, she asked if I wanted a picture and had one of her camera guys take it for us. I had just lost a considerable amount of weight and she was one of my biggest inspirations. I was able to talk at length with her about my journey so far and my goals for the future, she gave me her email and told me to keep in touch. Via email we discussed my goals more in depth and especially when it came to my goal of competing in a bodybuilding competition. She advised me to not take short cuts and do it all the natural way, when it came to my body. She knew of too many women who had taken all sorts of crazy fat burners and other performance enhancing drugs, and by default had screwed up their thyroids and were going to have to be on medications for the rest of their lives. She also touched on social media, with regards to self promotion, because one of my long term goals is to become a sponsored athlete. She advised me not to “buy” followers, stay classy, and always be looking for an opportunity. Challenges such as these are my opportunities and just as she advised, I am taking them!
The second time I was able to see Jessie was at the Boise Fitness Expo. This time however I was 20 weeks pregnant and had just found out I was having a boy, I was very excited because it was a secret. My friend Andy works at Bodybuilding.com and was gracious enough to take me to the expo and get me in before everyone else, this meant I got to have a little bit more time to chat with Jessie while I was there. As soon as I walked up and said hello, she said, “I’ve met you before, haven’t I?” I said yes, but that I had crazy bright red hair the last time I saw her. I saw it click for her and she replied, “That’s right! At Axiom right?” She asked about my goals and how I was doing with everything, I told her I had competed in my first competition the year before and that I was in the middle of prep when I found out I was pregnant. She was so excited for me and was the only other person besides my husband who knew we were having a boy, it felt so good to tell someone!
She had recently put out a line of Training EBooks and had a prenatal edition, which I bought and followed through most of my pregnancy. Since then they have become incredibly popular and Jessie’s Girls have seen amazing results! Jessie has always been such an inspiration to me and becoming an Ambassador for her would be amazing! I could care less about the money, but being able to represent her and all that she stands for would be my dream!
So there’s a little bit about one of my goals for this new year and I will be posting more about my progress and journey through these challenges. Feel free to keep following along, I will also start blogging about workouts and other fitness related tips!
Fit Mom Happy Life 