Fit Mom Happy Life

The title of this post really says it all… I can’t believe he’s mine. I stare in amazement at this little man of mine daily, he is the greatest blessing I have ever received (next to his father). Throughout my pregnancy and even now still, I call him my miracle baby. Why? Because from the time I was 16 I was told I couldn’t have kids, or that it would be extremely difficult for me to conceive. Even at 16 I knew I wanted to have kids someday, so hearing that really broke my heart. I had been diagnosed with PCOS, which is a syndrome where you get cysts on your ovaries. For me some ruptured every time I had a period, which was excruciatingly painful and usually landed me in bed for a few days. If you’re curious or want more info about PCOS you can click here.

I put what my doctors had told me in the back of my mind, until I started dating Jordan. I knew this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and be the father of my children. I remember tearful conversations before and after we were engaged, about my fear of not being able to have children. He always assured me that it would all be okay, but I could never let that fear go. I was terrified that I would not be able to do the one thing a woman was designed to do, and there was nothing I could do about it at the time. Once Jordan and I were engaged my amazing mother said something to Jordan and I that still means the world to me, she told me that if I was unable to conceive that she would be willing to be a surrogate for us. How selfless and incredible is that?? It was quickly followed by a comment from my dad, “Don’t worry Jordan, you don’t have to have sex with her!” Always the comedian my father!

Within the first year of our marriage I was overcome with baby fever. I wanted to have a baby SO BAD! However, I’m glad we waited. We had three great years of spending time together and bonding as husband and wife. As I said before, there were several tearful conversations about the possibility of not being able to conceive and that trying sooner would increase chances some. We talked about me getting off of birth control and just not preventing at some point. I never wanted to feel like we were trying, I knew if I had that mentality I would be disappointed if it wasn’t happening. We had decided around this time last year that we still weren’t ready to take the leap and get off birth control. I began prep for my figure competition and had set several goals for myself for 2015, then I was late…

My body was like clockwork, I was never late… EVER. I always kept a pregnancy test under the bathroom sink, just in case and I decided I should take it to ease my mind. I didn’t even finish peeing on the stick before it showed an obvious plus sign. I was in absolute shock… home alone and in shock! I facetimed Jordan after I was able to breathe, I wanted to show him the positive test and he couldn’t believe it either. I had already burst into tears and told him I would go to the store and buy another one. Three brands and 4 sticks later there was no question, my eggo was prego.

Once we finally came to terms and the fog lifted on the fact that our lives were about to change forever, we started to share the news. I came up with the idea to do a super cute pregnancy announcement by our amazing friend Lacey, it was Seahawks related so Jordan was on board. 

Fast forward a few months and we were at our ultrasound appointment to find out our baby’s gender. Honestly I swore we were having a girl, I had several dreams that I was having a little girl so it had to be so! Jordan wanted a boy SO bad! When people asked what I wanted I would always say I didn’t care I just wanted a healthy baby, gender didn’t matter to me. The fact that I was pregnant at all seemed like such a miracle to me, why would I care whether or not it was a boy or a girl? We were sitting there watching our baby headbutt my bladder repeatedly and then after several required images it was finally time. She had a perfect angle from below of right between the legs and she asked what we thought it was. Jordan immediately shouts, “IS THAT A PENIS?! IT’S A BOY?!” Sure enough it was a penis and we were having a little boy to my surprise! We decided on his name shortly there after, Grayson Paul Lang. He was named after his Grandpa Donald Paul Lang and his Great Grandpa Paul Hopper, both of these men mean so much to us and it seemed like the perfect way to honor them.

From the first ultrasound I knew I was in love, but I never imagined the love I felt for this tiny human the first time I saw him, heard him cry, and held him in my arms. Daily he changes and time seems to just fly by. I’m doing everything I can to cherish every moment with him, even on those rough nights/days I can’t help but remember how blessed I am to have this little boy. It’s an understatement to say that he is my whole world, he’s so much more than that. I will look at him everyday for the rest of my life thinking, “I can’t believe he is mine.”

The Sunday before Christmas (before we were supposed to fly to Boise to visit my in-laws), Grayson began to act different and I began to feel as though something was wrong. He was struggling to nurse and would scream this horrible painful scream, I had no idea what was going on and then he started making this consistent straining sound. It was heat breaking, he was in pain and I couldn’t figure out what was happening. Things progressively got worse, I called my mom and the on call nurse to figure out what I should do because he had become inconsolable. I wound up driving him to the nearest emergency room. My mom met me there while we waited for Jordan to get there, sitting in the room I held my little boy while he cried and strained. The first moment we were alone in the room I looked at my mom and started to cry, I felt so helpless and felt like I was letting my baby boy down because I couldn’t help ease his pain. My mom assured me I was doing everything I could and that it was all going to be okay. After his examination they gave a possible diagnosis of “telescoped intestines” his presentation indicated that could be what was causing his pain, the doctor also said that it was something that can resolve itself. At that point they sent us to Randal’s Children’s Hospital in Portland.

Jordan was able to meet up with me there and I couldn’t control myself at that point, I fell into his arms and started to sob. Of course at that moment the nurse calls us back. Once in our room the doctor came in and I had to give the same information for the third time that evening. A little while later the nurses came in to draw blood and possibly start an IV. They checked him out to see where they would attempt to place this IV. For whatever reason they really struggled to hit the veins and once they did it would blow. During this they appear to be digging around for a vein while Grayson is screaming at the top of his lungs, to the point where he stops breathing. I stood over him the entire time with tears pooling in my eyes, giving him drops of sugar water and telling him how sorry I was and that it was going to be okay. This went on for what seemed like forever, before the second nurse finally hit a vein and was able to get the amount of blood they needed to run tests. They had also ordered an ultrasound to see whether or not his intestines were telescoped. The technician came in and introduced herself, she had a very thick accent and was difficult to understand but was very friendly. As she began the ultrasound I was surprised at how hard she was pushing on his belly, he began to scream again. The ultrasound took about half an hour for her to capture all of the images they needed, then we were finally able to have a bit of a break. I cradled my little boy and he finally dozed off, but those painful straining and grunting sounds continued. After a little while the doctor returned and said that so far all tests had come back negative and that he strongly suggested we test for meningitis, which involved doing a spinal tap. Knowing how serious of an illness that was we agreed to the test. A different nurse came in with the doctors to do this procedure, and she was incredible. She put her arms on my shoulders and said, “Mama listen, they are going to numb the area that they are going to go in and he is going to cry. The crying is more so from being held in the little ball that I am going to hold him in, not because it is painful. He really wont feel much after the numbing shot. Now go ahead and have a seat.” I sat down and watched this nurse position Grayson the way she told me they would, and begin to sing to him. He screamed for the first little while, but as she continued to sing to him he actually fell asleep. After another hour and a half that test also came back negative and the ultrasound showed nothing abnormal, and Grayson seemed to be doing better. He was feeding again and had a wet diaper, they decided based upon that progress to send us home until the cultures came back.

The next day he seemed like a completely different baby, my first clue was that he smiled at me that morning and the straining grunting sounds were gone. Over the course of the day Jordan and I were beginning to feel more at ease, and we went to my parents house to hang out for a little while. We both wound up falling asleep and headed home close to midnight, on the drive home we got a call from the children’s hospital that one of his cultures had come back positive and we needed to come to the ER immediately. My heart sank and the sick feeling I had in my stomach the day before had returned. I drove us straight to the children’s ER, trying to focus on driving and not allow myself to panic or break down. Once we got to the ER they placed us in a room that was completely different than the one we had been the night before, this made me uncomfortable. In this room the TV was behind a thick plastic, the blinds were inside the glass, it had strange ventilation, and there was an actual door (no sliding glass).  No one would talk to us or give us any answers, finally the doctor showed up and started to explain that the culture that came back positive showed a possible bacterial infection in his blood. They needed to run more tests to confirm it and to figure out what the bacteria was, which meant more blood draws. This round was even worse… They blew every vein they tried, both hands, arms, and legs. I couldn’t take his screams anymore, it was killing me and I couldn’t hold back my tears. They informed me that they were going to try on his head, I apologized but said I would need to step out for that. Jordan and I both had to step out and I broke down completely, sobbing in his arms in the middle of the hallway. I started telling Jordan my fears that they weren’t telling us everything and that it was more serious than they were letting on, he hadn’t noticed the difference in the rooms until I pointed it out. While in the hallway we could still hear Grayson’s screams, it seemed to be taking a long time so Jordan went to check in on them. They had blown those veins as well, and still hadn’t collected enough blood to run the tests. We asked to see the doctor immediately to find out what they weren’t telling us, turns out the room is for suicide risk patients and that’s why it was different. They used it as an overflow room when needed, this immediately made us feel better.

I snuggled my little boy until he fell asleep, which wasn’t long due to how exhausted he was, it was about 4 am now and we were waiting to see what the doctor had to say. Once he came in he told us that since they were unable to collect enough blood they would either have to try to put another IV in or do a heel prick, of course we chose the latter. After pricking his heel twice they finally collected enough and sent it to the lab. Grayson fell back to sleep and the doctor returned to inform us that his test showed inflammation, that he needed antibiotics, and that we were going to be admitted.  They gave him an injection of antibiotics, he still cried but it wasn’t nearly as bad as them digging for veins. We waited for another hour and were wheeled up to a room just after 5am, mind you we had been there since just after midnight, and we were exhausted. Now this room was unbelievable!! Nicer than a hotel I would say, especially for a hospital.

Outside of our window we had a beautiful view of Down Town Portland, there was a white board wall that read, “Welcome Grayson!” and gave all of our information as well as the plan for treatment. The couch pulled out into a bed, about the size of a queen, and they provided several linens for us. Grayson had been presenting rather healthy and pretty much okay at the time we were admitted and slept solidly. The next morning he was smiling, talking, and feeding normally which made me optimistic and hopeful that we would be home for Christmas. A little while later the pediatrician knocked on the door and came in with what seemed like an entourage behind her. Then unfolded a scene from Grey’s Anatomy, she turned to her resident and asked her to fill us in on the patient. Which she did to the other interns, it was kind of hilarious and I had to keep myself from laughing because I seriously felt like I was in an episode! After they left Jordan and I looked at each other and he said what I was thinking followed by, “I would like Dr. Yang’s opinion please!” It was pretty amusing and our little man seemed to think so too, he was giving us all kinds of smiles.

Later we were informed that we would be staying at least one more night, which was pretty disappointing news. So we settled into our room more and took a nap, when we woke up the resident had returned. She informed us that she had some great news and wanted to know if we would be interested in going home that night, of course we were! She went on to tell us that the bacteria that was found in Grayson’s blood turned out to be a contaminant, meaning the bacteria was one that’s normally found on the skin and basically harmless. That was the best news we could’ve asked for and we couldn’t wait to get our little man home! Others may disagree, but for me I saw this as our own Christmas Miracle. Our little boy was okay and we were able to go home much sooner than expected, it was great to be home for Christmas.